Things that go through my head as I relive Harry Potter (Wot I Think #1)

I’m doing the “one book one movie” challenge (actually it’s not a real challenge so don’t Google it, I just made it up). I read one Harry Potter book and then watch the related movie before reading the next book.

Let me tell you, this challenge has opened my eyes.

#1 The Dursleys are actually saints compared to the book versions. They take Harry to the zoo without question in the movie, in the book, they deliberate what to do with him and don’t want to take him at all. Also, the book details horrible acts of mistreatment. For Christmas, they give Harry 50p. FIFTY WHOLE PENCE. IT WOULD HAVE COST THEM MORE THAN THAT TO POST THE DAMN THING. Which can only mean they are not trying to be “sort of” nice by giving Harry anything at all, but are deliberately being spiteful, even though it may cost them to do so.

#2 I can’t ever watch the scene between Hagrid and Harry you’re a wizard Harry without having this in my head:

#3 Book Hagrid never believed Voldemort was biding his time. Even the end of the book gets this wrong. Hagrid originally said “some say he died…some say he’s still out there, biding his time. Codswallop in my opinion.” Towards the end of the book, Harry remembers him saying “some say he died…codswallop in my opinion.” Harry has a shit memory.

#4 Book version of platform 9 3/4. Harry can hear Mrs Weasley saying “what’s the platform again?” YOU LITERALLY VISIT TWICE A YEAR AND HAVE DONE FOR YEARS BECAUSE YOU HAVE A BILLION CHILDREN. You so know what platform it is. Thanks Chris C for not including this faux pas in the movie.

#5 Movie Hermione is an immediate heroine. She fixes Harry’s glasses on the train for no good reason, and this isn’t in the book. She also shows Harry his father was a seeker too, which is also not in the first book. Let’s all love Hermione!

#6 Harry says to the trolley lady on the train in the book that he’ll have one of everything. In the movie, he says “we’ll take the lot.” Will you now, you greedy bastard? What about all the other kids? What happens when the trolley lady says “sorry, that twat with the glasses ate all the sweets”? Why’d you eat all the sweeties, Harry?


#7 It just annoys the hell out of me that movie McGonagall doesn’t call out the names for the sorting hat in alphabetical order. Hermione Granger; Draco Malfoy; Susan Bones; Ronald Weasley; Harry Potter. Da fuq kinda order is that? How can you expect to defeat the Dark Lord if you can’t even organise a list of children’s names?

#8 Movie Ron says to Harry as they leave the Great Hall “look that picture’s moving!” Coming from a wizarding family Ron knows this already, so why is it such a shock?

#9 Why does the Standard Book of Spells Grade 1 have the Alohomora spell? Why would you want first years to know how to open a locked room?

#10 Why is Fluffy asleep the first time the three find him in the movie? Who played music? Does Fluffy have a regular sleeping habit like normal dogs and animals? If so, wouldn’t it be easier for Quirrell to get past Fluffy instead of locating a random harp from somewhere?

#11 Movie McGonagall is so much sassier than book McGonagall. Maggie really pulls it off.

#12 Book. I still don’t get why Quirrell’s turban stank.

#13 Movie. On Quirrell, why can he suddenly fly? Is this why the chess pieces are still in tact? Did Quirrell fly across the room??

#14 Why are there clues to get to the stone in the first place? Surely the potion riddle in the book wouldn’t have a riddle at all? And if Quirrell had already drunk the potion to get through the fire that means there was always enough for two people to go through the fire. Why? Why would you want one person to have a chance at guessing the riddle, let alone provide enough potion that will help two people?


#15 I still find it weird Lee Jordan is Magnitude “Pop Pop” in Community.


#16 Hagrid waves to Harry in the movie as the three start to get on the train. Harry changes his mind and runs up to Hagrid to say goodbye, whereby Hagrid then presents Harry’s family album to him – so if Harry hadn’t gone back, would Hagrid have ever given him the gift?

#17 Platform 9 3/4 can’t be the only platform. Imagine living in Newcastle and travelling all the way down to London, only to be told you’d be catching a train all the way up to Scotland? What a nightmare that would be.

Little known fact: Rik Mayall (R.I.P.) was set to play Peeves!

What I remember the first time I watched this film: Actually, 60 points for almost dying is a bit shit to be honest. My dad probably still thinks Lee Jordan (Luke Youngblood) is a girl at the end of the film <3.


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