What’s In My Bag (Besides Dust)?

At work I found this article about the contents of a woman’s handbag (I know my job is so cush :P) so I thought about doing it about my own. And my bag has a LOT of shit in it. Let’s analyze the contents:

First off, my current bag at the minute is a purple corduroy bag I got on a drunk buy at Next. It used to have this big flower on it but it fell off (my boyfriend thinks my bag now looks better). I love it because it has lots of pockets to shove even more crap.

Side pockets:

My HTC One X I love my new phone, my old phone was a Samsung Galaxy Ace and it was like when they made Smartphones, this one was the runt of the litter that got shunted to the back. If it were a P.E. lesson, the Ace would be picked last for a team.

Car and house keys I have a strange array of keyrings on my keys. I have a strange Hello Kitty type thing, a “Tree of Life” keyring that came with the key to my boyfriend’s house when he gave me it and a Krispy Kreme keyring my parents bought for me when I *think* they came back from holiday somewhere.

Chewing gum packet

A competition thingy for a McDonalds prize thingy – but we’re ONE sticker away from getting a frigging HONDA CIVIC DAN!! ONE TICKET!!” Is what I said when we got McDonald’s at the weekend coming back from Norwich.

A moneybag of ten pence pieces For parking outside the JSA centre, which I no longer need to do, but I keep them in there because it makes me feel good to know I can buy ten penny sweets if I should ever happen to go into a shop that still sells penny sweets.

Keys to my parents house So I can go there whenever I want to drink tea and steal toilet roll they bought from Costcos (eep, only did this once, Mum, I promise :P)

A fake coin for Asda shopping trolleys

A big wad of tissue – unused. I have this fear sometimes that when it’s windy and cold outside and I start walking anywhere my nose will start to run horribly, despite not having a cold, and so if I don’t have tissue I’ll be forced to subtly wipe it on my sleeve like some sniveling child.

Purse:

My purse is something I picked up from Greece and I like it because it can, once again, hold so much shit.

  • Debit card
  • Credit card
  • Drivers license
  • Boots card
  • Clubcard
  • Two expired Boots advantage card offers and one expired Clubcard points offer
  • A Subway card
  • An expired LeedsCard
  • A receipt for Sainsbury’s
  • A booklet of Tesco Clubcard offers
  • A Boots card offer
  • A card for my next dental appointment (it was in January, and I missed it)
  • An optical card
  • A police incident and crime contact card (from a traffic accident I had)
  • A business card for the garage that changed my car battery
  • £4
  • An expired National Rail card folder I keep to store my other cards such as:
  • My NHS medical exemption card
  • A casino membership card
  • A University of Salford alumni card
  • My national insurance number card
  • A Bodyshop card

Main bag:

Now this is where it gets interesting. Keep in mind that I cleared my bag out before the weekend, so that’s since last Friday. Oh, my bag accumulates so much shit.

A4 notepad for work – I’ve been there for about 6 weeks and I’ve filled in half of it already. I’m one of those people who loves to write stuff down, even though I have a computer at my dispose, if I haven’t written it down, I don’t know what the fuck I am doing or who the fuck I am.

A mid-year diary – Because I’ve been a student forever, I always got mid-year diaries. Now I’m working and doing actual adult things however, it gets dead annoying that I keep forgetting my diary runs out in July so I end up rushing out and buying whatever Paperchase have left to offer after all the ‘kooky’ students have bought the most ridiculous diaries they can buy.

My passport – not normally something I leave in my bag but I’ve been meaning to get it photocopied at work so they know I’m not an illegal immigrant. They still haven’t asked me for it. I must not look foreign.

An array of receipts – a Boots one where I bought three nail varnishes; an M&S receipt for castor sugar and 50p bargains (one was a shepherds pie. A shepherds pie for 50p! [about 75 cents]); a receipt for Argos for an audio cable for my car (ironically, since I had to have the battery on my car replaced, I now cannot listen to any music, the radio or use the bluetooth function because I need a “code” and the owner before me didn’t think to write this code in the manual so I now have to pay £25 for Nissan to give me a code -_-).

And other stuff:

Lip balm; a HSBC online banking thingy; my contraceptive pill packet; nail varnish; bracelet; four safety needles for my insulin pen; a Lovefilm DVD (Ricky Gervais stand-up); two pens; an A5 booklet; an unregistered Holland and Barrett card; a bottle of Davidoff perfume; £1.23 in change; ‘handbag dust’ and a fluffy Haribo sweet.

But the really bad part is, apart from the handbag dust, the sweet and receipts, all this shite still goes back into my bag after I clean it.

So there you have it guys, that’s what an average woman has in her handbag. And that’s why we need one.

Lunix

<handbagdust>

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